


matulog ka lang, elias, at darating din ang umaga

by jadedgold



Category: Noli Me Tangere & Related Works - José Rizal
Genre: M/M, No Plot, but Elias just loves him so much, elias cried, elibarra - Freeform, gives me life, guilty ibarra, i cried too, iyakin po ako, just sad, just slight angst, open end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 09:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11597391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadedgold/pseuds/jadedgold
Summary: you see, Elias has gone through a lot, and he has everyone and no one to blame for that. but Crisostomo feels the guilt and shame that comes with his name.English narration with Filipino dialogues





	matulog ka lang, elias, at darating din ang umaga

the rain falls hard.  
he carries his sheets to his bedside table. he fears the rain would drip by the window. a fear with fair reasoning, and he wonders what he could accomplish this way.

Elias sleeps on the other side. his back to him, but he hears his breath. it's enticing, soothing. one, two, three. one, two, three — steady. _Siya'y tila pumapatnubay sa mga musikero._

he thinks back to the guilty moments he wasted a few hours in a theatre. operas, plays, orchestras; they were great. but money so leisurely spent amidst the turmoil in his country—in the country his beloved fellows reside in—would gnaw at one's conscience, supposing they have one. _Elias, humihingi ako ng tawad. Hindi sapat na ngayo'y ika'y napahamak ay aking inako ang responsibilidad na ika'y alagaan. 'Di hamak na naging makasarili ako. Hindi patas sa taumbayan na ako'y nakatihaya lamang at tumitingin sa kawalan. Walang mararating ang pagiisip kapag walang ginagawa. Elias, mahal kita— "At ika'y mahal ko rin."_

what Crisostomo thought was a silent monologue proved to have been said out loud. all that has been uttered by the young Ibarra has made its way to Elias's ears.

he had not noticed it, nor had he noticed the volume with which he said it. much less that Elias is now seated in front of him, reaching out for his cheeks to be cupped by warm hands.

theyre rough, calloused. and Crisostomo feels his guilt daubed on his face. a wretched knot on his forehead, only to be kissed by the man he so adores. _"Crisostomo, hindi ba't akin nang nasabi, paulit-ulit, na ito'y hindi mo kasalanan—ang baya'y iyong inaalagaan, ako'y iyong pinagaarugahan. Samantala ang puso mo'y nakalatag sa ilalim ng buwan, iniwan nang makain ng dilim. Crisostomo, sa sarili mo ang hindi ka patas."_ the said man could bear it no more. tears rolled forth from his eyes. he believed none that he said, but he trusts every one of Elias's words. there's a conflict in him which he cant deny.

he can’t find it in himself to kiss him, but gladly accepts as Elias presses his lips to his. fervors in sync, his tears continued to turn his cheeks salty, nose madly red with yellow-green opaque liquid testing the limits of its viscosity. he pushes him away for breath, and to wipe his runny nose. _“Ginoo, ang iyong kabaitan sakin ay lubos. Ngunit ni minsa’y ‘di mo ba naramdaman ang pait sa iyong dila, ang masakit na pisil sa iyong dibdib? Wari’y ika’y nakalimot, ginoo—“_ a sharp pain on his cheek made his head face the other way. he notices liquid flew from his face. whether that had been colds or tears, he would not know. nor did he know he broke out in sweat.

 _“Vafanculo!”_ Elias started. where he had learned that Italian phrase was a wonder to all, but albeit not having achieved any notable level of education, or any, for that matter, he certainly has ears, and he most positively knows how to make full use of them especially in the noisy piers. it was a shamefully vulgar word, and he was very much aware of that. yet he feels it was needed, he speculates his dear to need a harsh slap, a painful kick to the groin, anything superlatively startling. Crisostomo’s body was shaken— maddened, pained, which was it? the young man spoke his heart out. _“Ginoong Ibarra, nakasasakit sa aking damdaming isipin na ako’y ‘di mo pinagkakatiwalaan. Oo, ang iyong mga hinaing ay maisasabi lamang sa iyong pinakamatalik na kaibigan. At ako'y nagpapasalamat na ganoon ang iyong tingin sa akin. Subalit, iyo atang nalimutan na. Ang magmahal, ang pagtanggap—ito ay ating pinipili, tanging atin ang desisyon. Iyo bang sinasabi na mali ang nararamdaman kong pagiirog sa'yo? Hindi mo kasalanan ang mapanganak sa mga Eibarramendia, hindi mo kasalanan ang nakaraan— huwag mo 'kong sumbatan ng paumanhin!"_

Crisostomo hated how many times it had to be repeated to him before he finally drilled it into his head. vacillating between going on or accepting, he decided on the latter. it, to him, seemed reason enough that Elias's tears are falling. he cries a lot himself, yet never saw the man he thought he knew most to ever show weakness of his own. somehow blinded, somehow biased, this made him guiltier than his earlier maladies did. he hugs the weeping Elias and hopes the rain drowns his hiccups away. it does get awfully difficult to breathe. _"Elias, Elias. Ikaw ba'y nakikinig— ako ba'y naririnig? O kaya'y ika'y naririndi. Ang iyong mga salita’y nakarating, Elias, tahan na,”_ He frets, mind in circles searching every crevasse for anything there is about pacifying one’s tears—to no avail. _“Elias, Elias, nakailang tawag na ako, Elias—“_ He hadn’t paid attention to how Elias made him stop, nor did he really have this problem with Maria Clara.

 _“Ginoo, ako data ang humihingi ng pahumanhin.”_ Elias laughed a little and continued, _“nakatatawa ang aking pagsasalita, ang aking ilong na nagmumukhang kamatis, ang aking boses na tumitigil at pumipiyok,”_ he hiccuped once and exhaustedly laughed once more. _“Ngunit sana iyong alam na, datapwat mistulang hindi bukal ng aking puso ang aking sasabihin, ginoo, mahal kita— lubus-lubusan, umaapaw. Nang manirahan tayong dalawa dito, sa aking palagay, ay mas lumalim pa ang aking pagkakaintindi sa’yo— at matagal ko nang pinapangarap na ang iyong mga mata ay muling kumislap; tulad ng tuwing tinititigan mo ako. Salamat na ako ang iyong pinagkukunan ng kasiyahan,”_ but he believes he can only do so much— was what he wanted to add but the hesitation earlier present in Crisostomo vanished, as if the earlier travail of kissing the other man hadn’t existed to begin with. briefly, he spares a thought to ponder over whether this was a caprice but deciding on putting that thought aside, he smiles at Elias.

 _“Namamaga ang iyong mata, Elias. Ikaw ba’y nakahihinga? Tumila na ang iyong pagpiyok, at ang iyong katawan ay hindi na nangingisay. Tayo na’t matulog, marahil ay bukas pa titila ang ulan.”_ said man decides to heed his advice, but spends a moment to look out the window. his pillow was wet, he flips it over as well as himself to once again face the Eibarramendia. _“Bukas, Crisostomo, ay mayroon akong gustong ipakita sa’yo. Pero sa ngayon, ang tanging masasabi ko ay mahal kita. At ang tanging maipapakita ko ay ang aking pagmamahal.”_  
  
their shadows danced on the wall, the rain has yet to stop. it was nearing sunrise, but not quite, and Crisostomo couldn’t catch a blink, he decides on staying still, as still papers on the bedside table. Elias breathes steadily and he whispers

_“matulog ka lang, Elias, at darating din ang umaga.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this thing has no plot to speak of, yes, I admit that very shamefully. but I just felt that Crisostomo had welled up guilt he wasn't able to vent out for so long. I felt Elias needed to be mentioned in El Fili in line with [Simoun]'s fucked up nature but I guess it was great that it was left to us to get the hints; ah, and, it leaves lots of room for fan fiction, doesn't it? 
> 
> ill probably edit this some time when I feel I've improved but for now, do bear with the rather rough writing and such so yay
> 
> (but admittedly, I do need to reread the books because once or twice definitely isn't enough to grasp the actual depth of this book (and of the ships, I mean, come on hAH) but, well, I look forward to more publications!)


End file.
